So to recap on what we have done so far: You have written down what it is that you want to change about yourself and you have found the origin when that behaviour, fear or belief started. Now it's time to find the lesson and the learning in what happened.
If you have experienced something you don't like chances are you feel like a victim. A victim thinks things like:"why did this happen to me? What have I done to deserve this? Everyone is giving me a hard time. It's everyone else's fault."
If this is you, I'm afraid to tell you that you are stuck in a rut of negative thoughts, behaviours and ultimately negative outcomes. The only way to get out of this is to find your learning and that will change your thinking.
Now I know it's tricky to see something good when you don't feel good.
Let's start by accepting that there IS something good in your bad experience.
For example your learning could be that you can trust yourself more, that you have learned to sit up and listen to your instructor more or that you have to change the way you feed your horse.
Finding your learning gets you out of being a victim and empowers you to move forwards.
This is the most important step, so take your time and commit yourself to this.
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Could you please explain the coherence between having a bad experience and being a victim again? Don´t think I got it, cause isn´t there the possibility that you had a bad experience but you still don´t blame it on anyone but on yourself?
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your comment.
ReplyDeleteWhen you have a bad experience and insteasd of blaiming someone else you can see that somehow it was your own doing it means that you can see the lesson in this experience and you understood the learning that comes from it. That's exactly what we want!
Bad experiences are there to help us grow.
The reason I said:"chances are you feel like a victim" in the article is because most people respond that way to bad experiences."
I hope this answers your question, please let me know if it doesn't and I will put it into different words. Cheers Tanja
thank you for your quick response. I see what you mean, of course you have to focus on your mistakes to improve. But assuming someone is scared of jumping or competitions. Won´t he become even more nervous and unsecure if he´s always blaming himself for things he did wrong the last time?
ReplyDeleteHi there,
ReplyDeleteIT's not about 'blaming' yourself and focusing on what you did 'wrong'. It's about Idintifying 'what' you did wrong, and focusing on what you can do to 'learn' from theexperience and change.
Cheers